99 Luftprojects

I have always struggled to talk about my hobbies. For years, I’ve jumped between different projects in different disciplines. Struggled to finish my projects and started to feel incompetent. Having ADHD didn’t help.

Eventually, I just stopped trying. What’s the point of starting something you know you are just going to abandon?

But recently, I had a new light in me. The floating projects started to return, but I wasn't adding new ones. Instead, I found myself drawn back to the old ones, picking up the threads I had left years ago. The wide range of abandoned projects had actually made me knowledgeable in a wide range of areas, and now those skills were starting to connect.

This allowed me to realize that I am not a quitter like I thought I was. I just have a different process than the people around me. I work on multiple projects at the same time. I don’t need the instant gratification of a finished product; I need time to process. Instead of forcing out something I’m not satisfied with, my process is to wait until the solution appears.

I also don’t need validation. I never needed to spend time on fixing that. Because it was never about it. No one knew about my movie script until couple days ago. And because I thought people will not like it. It because I didn’t like it.

That script is never going to be turned into a movie, and I don’t want to be a movie writer. But I want to write the movie I have on my mind. And that’s it. That is what I realized. I didn’t spend learning after effects because I want to be a movie editor. I learned it so I could edit my own movie if I am ever able to make it.

And maybe I will start sharing them here now.
Because I don’t see them as failures anymore.
Just balloons that need more pumping.